AFRICA DON'T UNITE!

"Empty your Pockets."

Greetings my Citizens of Chocko-Blocko.

Let me firstly state, I totally embrace the thought of having African roots but not being able to pin point the exact locality of my ancestoral ties has left me feeling a little confused. Hence never brothering to educate my Mamma Mention whenever she bellows "I AM AH JAMAICAN NOT AN AFRICAN". Please comment if you think my mother is right or wrong and please explain why? Not sure about anywhere else in this world but here in Chocko-Blocko Africans control the Parking Wardening franchise and they don't ramp when it comes to empounding your car and imposing heavy duty fines on the general public. Today's Blog is not about 'Hate' it's more about getting 'Even'. Therefore if anyone has ever received a Parking fine from a insensitive African Warden this Blog is dedicated to you.

Enjoy! 

CUT TO.

HEATHROW AIRPORT CAR-PARK(Continuous)

AFRICAN PARKING ATTENDANT.

“The Charge for the ticket is £90, the charge for clamping is £150 and the charge for Towing plus storage is £300…….

UNCLE CHESTER.(interrupting)

 “Vastaman can you go find ah long piece of wood plus ah large rock-stone so dat I can batter so common sense into dis ya hooman’s thick rhino skin”.

AFRICAN PARKING ATTENDANT.(Grinning)

“So di grand total charge to release your car will be £540 plus tax. Di Tax is very important and this fine goes increases by £50 per day, plus tax. Again di Tax is very Important.”

The thought of paying a £540 plus di Tax suddenly ignited Uncle Chester’s ‘Kingston rude-boy’ persona. Within a second the Parking Attendant was in a headlock.

CUT. To be Cont.

RATKO LOVE DI CONGO!

"I'd breed for a Rastaman".

Greetings my Brothers and Sisters of Chock-Blocko. What with 'Dis and Dat' world wide matters such as Ratko Mladic, the former Bosnian Serb general, getting dip and making his first appearance before a UN tribunal in The Hague this coming Friday, I-Man has been really busy trying to decipher if the planet has gone MAD, again? When will it be The UK's PM. David Come-Around turn to stand-up & be grilled at the Hague? Will the citizens of the UK ever smash down Buckingham Place Gates and ditch the Queen? We live in Hope!

Let's get back to my mystic ode, this Blog Opera will make you believe that a Man can fly. Remember this is a Ode about Vastaman 'Jamaica's 1st Superhero'......So STOP, LOOK AND LISTEN!

CUT TO.

HEATHROW AIRPORT, CARPARK. 4.00PM.

After all the back-slapping congratulations from the police and flirting with the fit News-presenter Uncle Chester was feeling on top of the world. My once Militant, don’t take no shit from the system, renegade Uncle was acting like a true believer in English bureaucracy. 

UNCLE CHESTER

“Dis is the best country in the world, bowy mi really rate di Police system!”

FEMALE AFRICAN TRAFFIC ATTENDANT

“Excuse me, Jamaican people. Your Car has been, clamped and towed away”.             

 

CUT TO.

Heathrow Airport Car-Park(Continuous)

The situation was tense. The Female African Traffic Warden could smell the frustration oozing from our Jamaican pours. Uncle Chester snarled at the Traffic warden. The Traffic warden snarled back at Uncle Chester. Mama Mention declared a few incomprehensible quotations from Psalms and then began dipping her head from side to side as if possessed by a demons.  Uncle Chester turned towards me vexed and gave me a, ‘Who’s fault is this’ look.  I just shrugged.

CUT. To be Cont.....